Re: Synergy (Or: A very special update)

This blog's latest post regarding the antics of a certain gender-confused webcomic artist spoke to me in it's expert attempts to take a few shots at an author who is corrupting the masses. Anne Onymous, for all his faults and failures, is a greedy hack getting money off of badly drawn masturbation material but comparatively looks like a freaking saint when standing beside JDR.

To make it clear before I begin, I, unlike Fletcher, am not on board with the idea that being transsexual is "okay," mostly because there are other options than removing your reproductive organs when you are unhappy with your birth gender. Psychology has ways to putting this issue into a more healthy direction and I think a drastic measure like that is simply making things worse. I suppose, a cross-dressing, semi-bisexual probably isn't the best author in the world to be reviewing this kind of website, but Fletcher had the right idea, so I suppose I'll roll with it.

I suppose this is an interesting look at hivemind dynamics, considering every Borg collective needs a queen, we have the ranting and raving blob himself. People want to belong in the world around them, so they tend to cluster around someone with the most charisma and direction (or in JDR's case, gravitational pull). JDR found a common ground to pose as an expert in and decided to use it to leverage her bizzare outlook that men are inherently evil. I suppose it's sour grapes. After the high from all of her female hormone treatments had worn off and she came to grips with the fact that she really DID like girls after all, I'm sure she needed the support of other weak-willed people to "confirm" that her decision was for the best. Hence, she called upon her fan-collective of transsexual.org and her miserably horrible webcomic to fill the need for emotional stability.

I suppose I consider Anne a pre-evolved version of JDR. JDR came into massive money by a stroke of dumb luck by playing the dot-com era to its fullest. When he achieved that much power, it short circuited his ego and essentially turned him into the god-complex nutcase that he is today. When Anne hits the "big time" through the daily offerings of his worshipers or perhaps her obscenely retarded upcoming Nintendo DS game we can assume a similarly dramatic evolution (I am utterly thankful that the article for the game no longer appears on Wikipedia, giving hope that Anne has forgotten it due to lack of resources or common sense). When Anne makes her transformation into SuperAnneBitchachu, I assure you it will NOT be pretty. I honestly wonder if all the donations are going to Anne's efforts to make his self-insert more accurate by going under the knife. I really hope he's too much of a wuss to do it, because the last thing we need is another JDR.

But cutting to the chase, my work on The Wotch's trollfic is coming slowly at best. There's a fine line between messing with the readers and getting them just clueless enough to continue to the ending where their entire fandom is trashed right before their eyes. I am trying to fill it with as much memes and lulz as possible and will try to make it epic for any Anonymous wanting to persue it.

I'll probably get some practice in by spamming some other horrifyingly disturbing TG sites with some troll fics for a little target practice. I would encourage the (zero) readers to join in these hijinks, as it's one more way for TG fetishists to learn to leave their fandom quickly.

Happy New Year.

The Wotch: Shame of the Internets

Regrettably the older and more popular brother to this blog is on hiatus, leaving the spectrum of webcomics prancing along in their magical meadows of moronic mediocrity without anyone to bash their skulls in with the brick of common sense, leaving some leeway to do so myself.

Now, The Wotch has already been expertly ripped to shreds by my currently absent inspiration, but the idiocy stemming from this heap of failure has been growing well over 9000 since that point. From someone who enjoys reading literature that isn't filled with plotholes, fetishes and homosexuality (I'm looking at you, Anne Rice), it is rather disturbing seeing a wannabe woman pulling in money from ABSOLUTE GARBAGE. I am well aware that webcomics really don't fall under the category of literature, but no matter how the story is told, it still has some worth (or in the case of Man Onymous, lack thereof). After watching the entirety of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (at the request of a friend. I assure you, I will be ripping that fanbase a new one when I get the chance), I have found exactly where he has been getting his ideas for this comic (aside from stealing the plot from online roleplaying).

Watch this:

Anne = Buffy- Chosen one to defeat evil. Chipper to an insane degree. Prone to inexplicable emo followed by return to cheeriness.

Anne = Willow - Magic. Lots of it. Willow even tried to turn some guy into a girl at some point.

Thing one and thing two (Robin and Comic book guy) = Xander- Secondary character. Value of cattle in the story. Moo.

Shop guy = Giles- Expository information guy.

Miranda (Dyke Teacher) = Giles again- Wotcher? Training overlord that doesn't see eye to eye with her student.

Emo goth bitch...witch = Willow again- See magic.

See? It's pretty much the same thing. Never mind that the plot is the same sort of "fight the bad guy/monster/thing of the week" genre that BtVS fans drool over. Now, I'm sure Mr. "I don't like my genitalia" would give some cop-out excuse like "It's an homage." No... it's essentially a self-insert fanfiction with the names changed and personality shuffled.

Now let me get to the crux of the issue. This is basically what puts The Crotch behind Buffy. NO CONSEQUENCES. Anne can screw around with the time-space continuum or her friends' DNA and it leaves NO FREAKING REPERCUSSIONS for anyone. Now, I'm sure all the hardcore Wotchers (when they can find the time to pull themselves away from their badly drawn he-goddess) will cite this drama arc as a counter to my argument. Let's take a look at that for a minute shall we?:

Professor turned into Japanese...Chinese...Asian girl by teh 3vil Annezorz= PERFECTLY FINE WITH IT! (Okay, a little side note from the one who actually learned Japanese in class rather than copping it from fansubbed anime: IS IT THAT FREAKING HARD TO THINK OF A JAPANESE NAME?! I know the current market is flooded with all sorts of anime-sounding names, but setting yourself apart with crap like Mingmei Wu is not going to endear you to anyone. It makes you sound like a racist that thinks all Asians are the same)

Teh Meen Gaiz turned into giddy cheerleaders = ABSOFREAKING FINE WITH IT! So much so, they get their own slightly better drawn spin-off. (I love the exposition here when Anne says "It has to be a magic spell the way she accepts this weird change." Uh huh... and it is perfectly normal for her best friends to be okay with being women? Delicious irony.)

Wonderful... a story arc that promises to solve all of the mounting plotholes and retarded characters with a resounding EVERYTHING IS FINE. DO NOT QUESTION THE PLOT. ALL MEN WANT A VAGINA.

Nicely written. This truly wonderful masterpiece of excellent writing and believable characters is a masterpiece that will resound throughout the ages.

Oof... a little vomit came up there.

On the same track, Man Onymous the incredible fantasy self-insert is also freaking limitlessly powerful. For anyone who have seen the angst of Willow after her "oh woe is me, worshiping Satan for his dark power is having an adverse effect upon me," it is actually a feasible limit for her powers (never mind that plotholes keep allowing her to do so. God bless Joss Whedon, for his cannon being more inconsistent than jello). No no... Mary sue is beyond such common sense and she has infinite MP and all the spells in the world. Joy. She can toss all the spells she wants without anything but the pseudo-DBZ type fatigue that disappears when the plot wants it to.

And without further ado, the drama, the icing on this proverbial cake of excrement. Liberal applications of "Drama in a can" have made this webcomic the greatest piece of work a ten-year-old autistic child could have ever vomited out.

Well, that sums up the failure that is The Botch, but for the zero readers who I am writing to, I have a fun little project in mind for all the fans. A little satirist fanfiction never hurt anyone did it? I really hope not...

Merry Christmas.