The Beginning of the End

For all of you who recognize where I'm going with this blog from a mile away, I have two things to say to you:

1. Good job, because I still have absolutely no clue where I'm going with this.
2. Originality is dead. Deal with it.

For the other 99% of you with the time or patience to read this, let me give you the purpose of this blog:

1. For me to rant aganist the cesspool that is the internet
2. To make a bunch of people very angry.
3. To inform people of the more disturbing fandoms on the net.
4. To convince fandom members to think for themselves (Unlikely).
5. For fun.

I'm also not going to assume this is an original idea, but I have neither the patience nor the will so sort through over 9000 posts of absolute emo, whiny garbage to find something better.

Now, for those of you familiar with the works of John Solomon, (and I hope a few of you happened to find this, because I have found some of your comments to be rather amusing) you might happen to accuse me of stealing. I will admit his work inspired me to do this, but there are a few differences I want to show.

First off, I have gone for a few paragraphs without swearing. Now this might disappoint some readers, but I want to try this without swearing because I think it makes it funnier. To use a metaphor, (and believe me, I have plenty) it is the difference between kicking someone in the balls, and kicking someone in the balls while wearing a top hat, suit and tie and quoting Shakespeare. It makes the fan-puppet look that much more stupid when I say, "I must say, my good chap, that the fan community you have associated with is causing an ill effect upon your well-being," and the reply is, "STFU!!!!111one." I don't think I'll need swearing and sex to get laughs. They tend to appear on their own.

Second, webcomics are a good area to find all the drama and internet hive-mind that one would find online, but I think there's much more potential to be found in the fandoms as a whole. In the deepest reaches of the internet, there are furries, fetishists, Narutards and far worse things to milk for laughs. Targeting webcomic fanbases is one thing, annoying an entire army of rabid fanboys/fangirls from all across the internet and watching them foam and rave is something to be appreciated.

I'm sure some would think me as a troll, but truly, I don't care whether you respond or not. I'm not looking for a reaction (I'll probably get one anyway). Besides, I can tell you that I will be one of the more civilized trolls you will encounter. I don't start flame wars. I use precision, laser-guided flamethrower wars. Most trolls just eat you if you cross their bridge. I'm gonna chew you slowly, give you a well-written food critique and toss your mangled, living body in the river. It'll make you think twice before crossing the same bridge.

I think I should also address the Anonymous Legion of Trolls that are on the other side of this horror. I hope I can present you with some delicious, yet corrupt, LOLs. Make of this blog what you will. Reader comments are always fun to look over, and sometimes (with some careful examination) I can understand them. If you guys have any fandoms you want taken down a notch, I'll take requests.

Let me give the "too long, didn't read" version. No matter what dark corners of the internet or your basement you might hide in, I am going to find and ridicule your media cult and show you exactly where you went wrong. I am going to show you the darkest parts of fandumb (Yes, I'm going to use that joke to death, get used to it) and you are going to cry yourself to sleep. I leave you one warning:

Leave your fandom while you still can.